These are all of the emails I had when I decided to sit down and respond to as much Loveawake dating site members’ mail as I could. If you don't see your mail here, then I either overlooked it (my inbox is packed; send it again), or you just recently sent me an email that wasn't there when I actually copied all of them into one file:
Assanova,
I have a question for you and I hope you'll answer it. For the record, I'm not just looking for a hookup, I'm trying to get to know this girl and see where it goes.
I work at a retail store and this one girl comes in frequently (by frequently I mean once a month or so, sometimes twice), always when I'm working, and we always talk when she's there. One time recently she asked me to swing by the restaurant where she works, so I did. When I saw her there, she was really busy and didn't have time to talk so she just offered me her number and asked me to call her to hang out. When I did though, she told me she has a boyfriend and that she's sorry she didn't tell me earlier. I just said "that's fine, I'll just see you next time you come to my store, take care". I was very friendly about it, but I think it was clear that I wasn't interested.
Now a few weeks have passed and last night, on Saturday night, she came back to my store alone, talked to me again, and then told me that if I ever want to get together to study I should give her a call.
I'm wondering if she's the type of girl who doesn't want to get rid of her boyfriend until she has a new guy lined up, or maybe she didn't have a boyfriend at all but was disappointed I didn't try harder when she told me she had one. Or, maybe she's just looking to cheat on him, which isn't really cool with me if that's the case. I've always had a tendency to stay away from situations with girls that don't seem simple, clear, easy and fun, but maybe I'm too rigid.
What do you think? Should I give it another shot?
By the way, please keep my identity confidential.
Thanks for your time,
I would not be able to give you an answer without knowing the context of everything. Maybe you have a class together and she's just looking to help? Or maybe she really is just being friendly? All I know is that if women have a boyfriend and they're looking to date or sleep with you, they will conceal it. -----------
Hey, I've been reading your blog some time now and I think you have some great insights, but I have some sticking points that I need help with, will you please advise?
So let's suppose, contrary to your recent advice I went to a danceclub with some friends on a crowded sausagefest Friday night. The pop music, hip hop and RnB are blaring over the speakers and I'm sandwiched between 5 guys. I'm dressed to kill, but so are all the other jocks in the place. Like a ray of hope, a clique of three girls squeezes among us, trying to weave through the mosh, with the typical "sorry"s and "excuse me"s and elbowing that girls always get away with. I turn my head over my shoulder and tell one of the girls "hey, sorry no cure". This line always gets the subject's attention (which I understand is a step in the right direction?), but I am always at a loss for words immediately afterwards, regardless of the girls' wide range of immediate reactions (i.e. "well, I'm SORRY", giggles, stop and stare, explanation, flustered look). As a result, I fake disinterest (my default go-to response nowadays), fail to capitalize, the girl loses interests and disappears into the crowd.
I understand I'm handicapping myself uneccessarily by even going to crowded sausagefests in the first place, but sometimes you've got to humour your friends, no? Making the best out of a bad situation is really how I see it, do you have any advice pertaining to the sticking point described?
Thanks for your time and attention!
1) You're on the dancefloor. There isn't much talking to do. 2) Talk to more people. That really is the only cure for not knowing what to talk about. Knowing how to hold a conversation is something that comes with experience; it isn't just something that you read in a book and just all of a sudden know how to do like a pro. For further advice, click the "Conversation" tag on the left side of my blog.
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Hello,
I was reading your blog about attracting women and had a question about height and how to put it to best use.
I'm 6'3", about 190 pounds, ca 10% bodyfat. Unfortunately, it doesn't seem to work for me quite like it does for you: you mention frequently that your height attracts women. Honestly, I find that many people (both men and women) express curiosity, like a "wow!" impression, but I rarely feel a strong sexual vibe from women. The other night I went to a gay bar out of curiosity and the men were all over me, but my luck with women is basically shit.
Anyway, I was wondering if you would be willing to help me a bit and perhaps figure out what I might be doing wrong and where I should focus my efforts to improve my success with women. Please do not post our correspondence on your blog.
Thanks,
It's not that serious. And that's probably your first problem. Just from reading your request, I can tell that you're insecure. Identities are never revealed on my blog. Handle your insecurities about yourself.
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I read you blog, sorry to hear about your son. The haters making those negative posts should be removed. My dude, you should revisit the difference in game between Eric and Knight in the Real World. I knew he wasn't going to get it bc he was a pussy about it. You analyze this more often than I and I would like to hear your thoughts on this. On your blog or in a reply.
Stay Up,
Eric is creepy and too worried about what everyone thinks of him, so he never takes any risks. Knight doesn't care what anyone thinks about him, and he takes big risks. In short, one guy has a pair of balls, and the other doesn't.
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What do you think about the whole Karen Owen Duke "Fuck List" situation?
I don't care much for it. It is blown waaaaaay out of proportion. From the looks of it, she slept with 12-13 men over four years, which is roughly 3 guys per year, or 1 guy every 4 months. The media tried to make her out to be some kind of huge whore.
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What's up man,
I've been trying to max out my looks and I remember you writing about how your face is smoother than a baby's ass. I want my face to be smoother than a baby's ass. Do you have any recommendations for lotions and creams I can use?
Thanks for all your help,
I don't use anything spectacular. I just use regular lotion every day and clean it every day.
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Man I am so happy to see a true black pick up artist/game guru/whatever the hell cats are calling each other that get bitches on the regular. I discovered your blog this morning, and reading a few posts before heading to the boxing gym and not only is this shit totally on point, it explains so much shit I haven't been able to explain to myself since I've gotten into the game 5 years ago. I don't care what color the cat is--if he's got valuable info it's all good--but seeing how you run game and what's worked for you is straight up inspiration and makes sense of all the things that a black guy in the game gets to his advantage in a city (and I live on a college campus) that's mostly white. I'll be buying your books, no doubt.
Thx
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Hi Assanova,
I was watching an episode of Louie, the new show by Louis CK, and saw an absolutely marvelous display of the marked beta. What follows is a clip of Louis on a date with a girl as he gets "debased" by a high school bully. (skip to minute 7)
http://www.hulu.com/watch/172785/louie-bully#s-p1-so-i0
It is remarkable how accurate the woman's description of her inner gina tingle is. She knows that her loss of attraction is irrational, yet she cannot fight it; we must play the game.
As we all know, a crucial characteristic of the alpha male is a determined demand for respect that is non-negotiable. The beta cowers in fear as he seeks to avoid conflict.
In this situation, I would have waited a few seconds to acknowledge him when he approached, swiveling my head slowly with marked lack of impression (it is clear he came over to impress his buddies with some tough talk). I would have interrupted the boisterous bully very early on in his schpiel. Merely watching the clip made my blood boil. I have had to defend my dignity in public before. The proper response is to stand up slowly after he makes his first threat, imagine crushing his head into a pulp as to sharpen the pupils with the glance of a deadly knife, plant the feet shoulder width apart with chest out (the standard aggressive position of confidence) and say--very slowly--something to the effect of:
"The difference between you and I is that I am not afraid to die or kill while fighting some punk that disrespects me."
Keep looking him square in the eyes, and finish with "Leave." If the idiot still doesn't understand your seriousness and fighting him is impractical (consider if you have two kids), then a follow-up can be
"I will demolish your face into a pulp, or have mine demolished trying. But I have two kids, which means if you murder me right now you will have destroyed not one life, but three. You have told me your name and I can see from your jacket what high school you go to. There are witnesses. Stop being an idiot and leave."
The sex that night will be like no other.
Alphas are never try-hards. I would never have went into some long-winded rant about how I am going to demolish a guy. Alphas intimidate with their presence, and not long monologues
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I'll begin by saying I've read a shitload of game in the past 3 years, but the best things I've read are your 2 books (which i've bought) and mode one.
So for these 3 years ive been reading a lot of game, doing a lot of personal improvements (i couldnt talk to a girl 2 years ago, i got laid through a VERY tight social circle connection about a year ago, nothing since then though).
I'm in college and Im getting tired of not getting any pussy so I come to you, the realest of the real, no bullshit gamer that I've ever read (I stopped reading any game but your blog, roissy, and roosh).
I ask you in general, for pointers on college game.
If youd like to answer more specific questions, they are as follows:
* What's your opinion of cold approaching on college campus, and if you're for it, what method of approach (not literal opening, i mean total interaction) do you suggest? I don't have too many social circle connections, which leads me to....
* What steps do I take to create more social circle, or at least penetrate them. I have a few circles but they're mostly dead-ends socially with the occasional fresh lady once in awhile
* I understand that surrounding yourself with people who are better than you is highly important, but how do I even get those kind of guys to let me hang out with them if im not pulling my own weight initially (and where do I find them)?
Personally, I don't really enjoy socializing just to eventually meet new women when I could approach any women I find attractive. Ive just read over and over that cold approach on campus is taboo.
I read Mode One recently, and I know that style wouldn't go over too well. Your recent post on openers seems solid though.
My roommates are all heavily beta, with longterm girlfriends, but I love these guys to death. Idk what to do with them.
My regular-social-circle consists of betas and more betas.
Also, i'm in a lesser fraternity. A beta one (not greek beta) if you will. This really doesnt help me at all. I think one of the main reasons is that I'm not really much of a "bro" but more of an artsy, skater, rockstar kinda person. I wear urban outfitters, rock and republics, and vans/converse shoes (if you know of high-end shoes that work with skinny jeans lemme know)!
I'm a 6.5-7 on the looks. I'd be an 8 if i didnt have left-over acne scars from high school, but those take forever to go away.
I'm 6 foot, 135 lbs. I have a wrist injury I'm getting over so i cant work out, i'll be doing that as soon as possible.
Basically I'm at a wall. I want to meet women but I consistently run into dead ends socially and I'm not utilizing cold approach. I'm also terrible at showing interest early.
I did my first "cold approach" today on campus, 1 AM. I went out of my way for the first time to talk to a woman, and it was a a 30 second conversation in an elevator. I dipped when my floor came up, i just said "ill see you around" and left, and i KNOW ill probably never see her. I'm so furious that I didn't push it, yet I'm glad I actually made an effort.
I plan on starting a rock band too, playing local shows and hopefully going somewhere with it (i sing) so I wonder how thatll help my game.
This was half a question to you, and half me getting stuff off my chest in a written format. Thanks for reading/answering in advanced.
I believe that I already sent you a longer response, however, there are three easy steps to getting laid on college:
1)Get drunk, go out, and talk to as many people as possible, specifically on the streets at night (OSU has a lot of drunk students roaming around at night), and at parties.
2)Add them on Facebook and get their phone numbers.
3)Throw massive parties and invite all of them.
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Whats up Assanova,
What are your thoughts on Columbus, OH being ranked 3rd in the most sexual cities in America?
Also, do you think it has helped your game that you come from a "sexual city" or do you think it's irrelevant?
I ask because I'm sure you know guys in your town that don't get sex ever or often.
Here's the link http://www.cbs19.tv/Global/story.asp?S=13152104
When it comes to nightclubs, it is irrelevant. No matter where you are, if your only source of gaming women is in nightclubs, then you're going to have a difficult time getting laid. And yes, it has helped my game from a day game/social circle standpoint.
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Hey what's up Assanova,
I'm a long time reader and have a question for you about a lil dilemma I'm facing.
I was seeing (read: fucking) this girl for 3 months this summer who came to my city for work for the summer. The thing is, she had a boyfriend the whole time (I'll get to why "had" and not "has") while we were together. It was strictly a fuck buddy arrangement, as I was sort of talking to another chick who I was really interested in before her, and she was obviously in a LTR, so we were both in it for just sex.
Things were going well, until one day she out of nowhere said that she started having feelings of guilt about the whole thing, and that we can't see each other anymore. Her reasoning was that she was talking to someone she respects very much (I'm going to guess a parent most likely) about cheating on significant others and it made her feel really dirty and slutty.
She also said that she wasn't sure about her relationship anymore, and that having sex with someone else was making her decisions even harder. So we stopped any kind of contact for a good month or so. Right around the same time I stopped talking to the other girl, as she lived out of town and didn't want to purse anything long distance. This girl I was having sex with knew about it, if that makes any difference.
She was still in town, and said she'd want to see me before leaving. She'd message me here and there, but the messages had more of a "friendly" tone than what we used to talk like (went from overly sexual to buddy-buddy). Well tonight was her last day, and she invited me and a couple friends out. Throughout the whole message exchange I could tell something was off. Well, much like I suspected, it turns out she started seeing someone else. I confronted her about it at the end of the night, and she said she was sorry and that she thought she told me about ending it with her LTR boyfriend.
She def didn't tell me that, as we haven't really talked for a month. Well, she's now going back home (about 8 hrs away), but she's coming back to visit in a few months for a big festival we have going on here every year, and she's also coming back next year to start working fulltime in the city. She said she has my number and that she'll contact me when she's back.
Obviously I'm not clinging on to that (and I let her know that it was shitty of her not to tell me she broke it off with the BF and started seeing someone else), but I'm wondering what my steps should be if she does indeed get back in touch with me once she's back in town. I'm not looking for a relationship with this girl, but I would like to re-establish that no-strings-attached-sex thing we had going, even if only for a little while. I also have to keep in mind that the guy she's with now is also local, and no way in hell do I want to be part of a cock carousel.
Sorry if this is long, I tried to make it as short as possible while explaining the key details. I could really use some advice here and am looking forward to hearing what you have to say.
Thanks, really appreciate it.
PS. Before anyone starts to judge me, my ex-LTR cheated on me just like this girl did, so in my mind I feel like I deserve a free pass.
Wait and see. Let her pursue you.
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Hey I saw this on Facebook from another....cough.... "Guru" and wanted to know what u thought. Personally I think #1 and #7 are not right but the rest seems pretty much spot on. This whole list could have been condensed to only the last rule- Be SEXUAL I agree with the entire list except for ,#7 , #8 and #12. When I go out to nightclubs, I am a big kid, and my friends will tell you, that the women love it. Why? Because it makes them laugh, and women love men who can make them laugh. However, understand that the type of games that I play are more humorous in nature. I rarely, if ever, use serious games to cold read a girls. I might do a palm read to make fun of a girl ("This line right here means that you're a total retard").
Also, most of my lays come when I'm being social. It is incredibly difficult to start a conversation out of thin air if you aren't already talking to people, whether they're your friends, or women that you met at a nightclub.
As for #12, sexual escalation is 90% of the pick-up AFTER the girl is already attracted to you. If the girl isn't attracted to you, no matter how hard you try to escalate, the interaction isn't going anywhere. And again, I agree with everything else on that list.
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Hey A,
I'm heading into my junior year of college and there is a persistent difficulty I'm encountering in trying to approach attractive girls. I go to an Ivy League school, what that means is that most girls look like the offspring of Quasimodo. I would estimate 80% of girls are a 6 or lower in daylight. Of the remaining 20% of girls a significant portion flock to athletes (lacrosse, football, basketball) because as you can probably guess the "typical" guy here is 5'8" 130lb so they are less attracted to that. Anyways, I've noticed that if I attend certain parties I will not have to compete with the athlete types. At these parties there are usually one or two attractive girls I would consider hooking up with. The problem is that they are always surrounded by 3-5 guys chatting them up. I can't even instigate a conversation with a quality chick because she's already getting so much attention from other guys. So my question is, how do I approach or position myself into the conversation and then isolate the target? I don't think I'll have much trouble isolating, but as of right now I can't get myself into her conversation. Perhaps an appropriate tactic may be to make friends with her ugly/busted friend and then maneuver her to introduce me and then have my wing take the ugly chick.
Another quick question if you have time.
At a party last week I met a girl who I had some classes with freshman year. Long story short we get a little drunk and head back to her place. Once there, I escalate the physical connection pretty quick and have her half-naked on her bed. I'm trying to take her pants off but she puts up some super last minute resistance...after a while she tells me I should "go" - I fall asleep in her bed. Next night, I tell her she should come a some random party and she complies. (note: she's wearing a dress and has her hair done nice, also neither night was her roommate in her apartment) We talk, drink, and end up back in her place, may I remind these two nights were one after the other. We mess around a little, she's down to her panties and I'm down to my boxers and she's stroking my equipment. As I slide my hand beneath she tells me she's on her period and we can't do it (clearly bs). So what is the deal? No one else is at her place either night, and I her almost naked both nights. So what is the deal with this super last minute resistance. Did I do something wrong? Why would she go so far and then tell me no?
Appreciate it,
1) The only way to beat an athlete is to be more entertaining than him.
2) She probably has an STD.
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Hey Anova,
If you're gaming alone, what do you say if a girl asks you if who you're with?
Also, I thought you might appreciate this. Thanks for all your help.
Be honest and don't turn it into a big deal
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Hi Assanova
I am reading your blog with great interest and have begun to follow what you've been saying. I stopped running routines and that mambo jambo. I dress up decently ( I match my belt watch and shoes), wear more accessories and avoid the whole check shirt thing which seems real popular with guys. I try and keep the conversation about the girl and never reveal my true self. I am more of a quiet kinda guy so I never chase the girl around. However, everytime I get a girls number and try to progress it, it never works out. I'm a brown guy but I believe I'm not typical ( well apart from the IT job!). I know you're not a mind reader or maybe you need more information but which area should I work on to get the results?
Also, the filters on your site don't go past a certain number of entries? Is the only way to look at older stuff by the year tags on the side?
Regards
I actually have posts about this, either under the "Conversation" or "Phone Game" tags. In general, you want to stay in your set as long as possible before asking for a phone number. For a woman to go on a date with you, she generally has to feel very comfortable with you, and the only way that's going to happen is if you spend a considerable time talking to her before you walk off with her phone number.
Also, one thing that I have an entire post written about somewhere (check the posts from last year), is calling a girl more than once, even if she doesn't go out with you the first time you ask her out on a date. My logic behind this was that women change moods often, so it's really just a matter of time of catching her when she is in the mood to talk to you and/or go out on a date with you. This was actually the case with Vinny from Jersey Shore. The hot chick he wanted flaked on him, but he called her again, and not only did she go out on a date with him, but she ended up sleeping with him.
As for my tags, yes, they only go back for a certain period of time. I have no clue why it does that, and I have no clue of how to make them go back further. You'll either have to do a search for my posts on Google, or you'll have to actually go back and read my archives.